Dilemma..

hello peoples, as usual after a long period of missing here I'm writing again. I'm currently on my semester break for two months and 2 weeks has slipped by. for the current period I have not doing anything. I mean I only work on weekend and that leave me 5 days of free time. Upon that, I'm also a freelancer agent, more like an agent for those who want to buy or sell gadget. Basically any type of gadget would do but of course more likely handphone. I have been doing this for quite some time and alhamdullilah, it at least help me to sustain my financial issue.

I don't know what have happened to me, I feel like missing something, its like I've lost my purpose of life. I feel empty. This feeling has been messing with me for a long time ago. It's just that now it's more obvious. Back then before the semester break all I want is to gain back my pointer and have a good result. At that time all my action signifies my purpose, my goal and my aim. But now since I'm on my semester break, all the motivation and action towards that particular goal seems to be paused for a while. At this moment I'm completely lost. I don't know what to do. Everyday I woke up thinking what I wanna do today. This feeling is getting more intense despite how lonely I'm now. I have no one to accompany me. I'm all alone. Even my girlfriend have no time for me. hmm

I have to make a short term goal for this semester break, so that I have something to do. there are a few things that pop out in my mind.

1.get my body in shape

2.make some money

3.spent quality time with my girlfriend

there is another issue, u see, I have a girlfriend, her name is nurul shahira binti abde fadzil. I love her so much, she means everything to me. However this doesn't mean anything if I'm not happy. I don't know, she seems to be acting beyond usual. she's like okay at certain times and at another time she's like left me out of nowhere just like that without telling me any update for the whole day. I'm the who starts the conversation and make the first move. If I didn't make any contact, I don't think we will have any conversation in that particular day. Sometime, I feel stupid, being left in the middle of conversation. she always does that. waiting for her reply has becoming my hobby since this issue merged out. Each morning when I wake up, the first thing I that I do is reaching my phone to see if there's any texts from her. I keep my phone on silent mode all the time, all notification will be notify by led light that I have customized on my blackberry. every time its blinked, I'd grabbed my phone in hope to see her texts. but its doesn't always her that popped out on my screen. this keeps repeating every single day. My love towards her has reached at a level where I wanna make her as my wife. if this is the kind of treatment I get from my future wife, I don't see this could become reality. I don't feel her absence anymore.  The way she treats me is not the same and this has trigger out unwanted feeling if you know what I mean. All I want is her attention and love. Its not like I never spread out these words to her before. She never act like this. she always have time for me. But now its entirely different No matter how busy I'm, I always look out an empty space for her, but why can she do the same for me? I don't know what to do. something doesn't gel here. or maybe I'm over thinking and should just stop making out all this point and let it be.